


Stepping into the warmth

by LadyLight17



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Podcast: Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:36:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27177314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLight17/pseuds/LadyLight17
Summary: Set years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Lavender is struggling with the trauma of her past when she is reunited with someone who makes her feel safe.Inspired by an offhand comment made on Fanatical Fics and Where to find them! (Check out that amazing podcast).
Relationships: Fleur Delacour/Bill Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Lavender Brown/Parvati Patil
Kudos: 7





	Stepping into the warmth

Lavender/ Parvati  
After the war, romance, trauma. 

Trigger warning: Suggestion of sexual assault, trauma and chronic pain. 

***

Everything hurt. 

Her bones creaked and spasms of pain rain down her back. She cried out as the muscles in her legs ripped and then wove themselves back together. The thick, matted hair was unravelling and shooting back under her skin, each coarse hair a sharp needle of ice. 

Her vision was beginning to clear now, and she moaned softly as she suddenly registered how cold it was. The weak sunshine lay on her body, light as a feather but with none of the softness or comfort. 

Flashes of that night, so many years ago now, played out in her head as they always did after her transformations. She could hear the screams, the battle cries. She could see the flashes of light in the distance. And then the smell of him, that putrid, sweet air on her face, his teeth flashing in satisfaction as he pinned her down. 

Lavender pushed herself up, wet mud and blades of grass sticking to her slick, torn body. The sheen of clammy sweat glistened in the early morning light. She wiped the blood, which had already begun to dry, from her mouth and neck and began the slow walk back to her miserable little cabin. 

She would never get used to the shock of it. It may have been years since that momentous day, but time could not heal a wound that ripped open so often. Her past life seemed so inconsequential now, she had just been a silly girl putting stock in things that didn’t matter. Enamoured by the shine of glory, pining for recognition from more impressive peers. She had fallen headfirst into a battle no one had expected her to take part in, for people that scarcely seemed to care what happened to her. And look at what had happened. 

When Lavender was young, she had been tempted by the misty figures that beckoned her from the future. She had been convinced that her path would be filled with something big and important and she had been eager to push through to that future. Hours spent in the foggy smoke, eyes straining, as she waited for some sign in the crystal ball. 

She had never seen him there, she had never predicted what he would do to her. That creature that would steal her future away. He had never once appeared to her when she had been looking, but now his was the only face that she could see. 

Lavender looked down at her knotted, scarred hands and a tremor of revulsion rippled down her spine in the same way that pain had just a few moments ago. Monsters drive people into the dark, out of fear and loathing and that is just who she had become. 

***

The hut was there, where she had left it. It was perched precariously on the next hill, the sun a little higher in the sky now. But something was wrong. 

The air didn’t smell like it should. It smelt like a little bit of summer had been mixed into the damp decay of winter rain. 

Lavender crouched instinctively like an animal, forgetting her own vulnerable nakedness. She pressed low to the ground, catching wisps of that scent, it was eerily familiar but panic overrode any other reaction she could have had. She edged closer to the hut until she could press herself against the rough walls. What had happened here? 

The smell drew her in, it was intoxicating and seductive, a forgotten part of her felt like a girl again. 

What could she do? She had no wand, no clothes. She was injured and tired, in no shape to fight an intruder. 

She should run. Abandon the compromised hut and start over. She had done it before. She had lived a temporary, baseless life for so long that she no longer felt the resentment that came with each retreat. This time would be no different. 

The door of the hut swung open suddenly and summer warmth washed over her feeble, icy body. The elusive future had evaded Lavender once more, all thoughts of running dissipated in that one crucial moment. 

“Oh. You have finally come.” That voice. “I have been waiting for you, come in.”

Lavender shrunk away, unable to look the intruder in the face. She was deeply ashamed now, suddenly aware of her nakedness, the blood, the thick scarring that marred her body. She retreaded, edging away from the light spilling out of the doorway. 

“Lavender.” The voice was softer now, pleading. “Please. Come inside.” A soft, warm hand reached towards her but she flinched and twisted away, a feeble cry falling from her mouth. 

“Don’t touch me” 

“Ok. I’m sorry.” 

“How did you find me? Why now?” 

“Oh, Lavender. I never stopped looking for you. Never.” 

And it was with those words that Lavender closed her eyes and let her shoulders drop. A small sob escaped from her lips and then a moan of exhaustion and sorrow. She crumpled, squatting unsteadily in front of the open door, grief poured from her, her breathing wreaked with ragged cries. 

She barely registered the thick blanket being draped onto her heaving shoulders, the small hands guiding her into the hut. Guiding her into the warmth that she had not felt in 7 long years. 

*** 

Lavender awoke hours later. She lay still and silent for a few moments, trying to hold on to the lingering remnants of calm. For the first time in a long time, she had slept a deep, inky, heavy, peaceful sleep. She dared not open her eyes and ruin the illusion. 

“I know you are awake.” A slight pause. “See if you can sit up.” 

Lavender started and opened her eyes. She looked, really looked, for the first time at the woman standing in front of her. 

An oval, pretty face. Matured slightly but still open and fresh. Curved, almond-shaped eyes that were lined heavily with kohl, looking down at her with concern. She would have a single dimple when she smiled. She wore a nose ring now that Lavender had never seen before. It suited her. The gold ring complimented the woman’s warm brown skin, which glowed as if it had recently been massaged tenderly with coconut oil, which of course Lavender knew it must have been. That had always been her trick. The woman’s long, dark hair had been tied into a thick plait that swung by her hips. A ridiculous, jewelled butterfly clip had been attached to the end, and beams of sunlight bounced off it. Small wavy locks of hair had already escaped from the plait, which she kept tucking behind her ear. Lavender had a quick, inexplicable urge to pull one of those little curls, just to see that familiar look flash over the woman’s face. 

The woman scowled slightly, her arms crossed in front of her chest, as if she knew what Lavender was thinking. The woman had filled out since their teenage years, softer and curvier than the gangly girl she had been. Lavender pushed herself up, looking away somewhat reluctantly. 

“Parvati.” 

“You should eat something.” Parvati swished her wand wordlessly, summoning a steaming bowl to the sofa on which Lavender was now sitting up stiffly. Lavender felt raw, like an aged person and a small child at the same time, someone incapable of taking care of themselves. 

She didn’t take the bowl, just let it hover in the air, bobbing slightly. 

“Parvati, you shouldn’t be here. You can’t be here.” 

“Eat first. Then we will talk.” 

“No. Please. Just leave. Now, before something happens.” 

“Lavender, the sun is up. You had a transformation last night.” 

“You know that doesn’t mean anything.” 

“Eat. You need your strength.” The bowl landed in her lap gently. Rice and yellow dahl. Of course. Whenever Lavender had been sick, this is what Parvati had instructed the House-elves to make, reciting instructions clearly from her mother’s book of handwritten recipes. 

She ate, slowly, eyes focused on the bowl of food. 

“Parvati. Why are you here, really?” 

“You are actually asking me that? I have been looking for you for so long.” 

“Who asked you to?” Lavender asked flatly. 

“Lavender! You left me. I never gave up on you. 

“Look. You can’t be here. I don’t want you here. I have been doing fine by myself and I have no intentions of rejoining the wizarding world.” 

“I can see that.” Parvati turned away. “Just eat, ok?” 

Lavender ate. 

***

“Lavender! Oh Lavender…” 

“What is wrong with her? Can’t you fix her?!” 

“Lavender? Sweetheart, can you hear us?” 

Voices echoed in her head, concerned voices and angry ones. She couldn’t see anything, she couldn’t feel anything. The wolf had been born in her, but it was curled and sleeping for the moment. She didn’t know when it would wake up. When she would wake. 

“Is… is it the real deal?” 

“We can’t know for sure.” 

“But, Bill… you were ok. Isn’t this the same thing?” 

“No. Something smells off, something is different…” 

Too many voices, she can’t understand what they are saying or what they are talking about. Are they talking about her? She feels drugged, listless, close to breaking point. Then pain. 

“Get out! Now! She is transforming again!” 

Pain. So much pain. 

***

Parvati wouldn’t leave. 

Every time Lavender tried to broach the topic, she would walk out of the room, but she would always come back in a few hours. Lavender considered apparating far away, almost 12 times a day, but something stopped her. She was so tired of running, even though she knew it was essential that she stay on the move. Parvati had tracked her this far, she would almost certainly find her again. Lavender had to convince her to leave of her own accord. 

Tense, brittle days melded into quiet routines. 

Parvati would cook often and in large quantities, she filled the little hut with warmth and heady scents. She liked the curtains drawn and herbs growing on the window sills. Lavender would laboriously scrub down the wooden table, flinging disinfectant charms on it repeatedly. If this bothered Parvati she didn’t say anything. One day, she placed a vase of spring flowers on it, magically fortified against the winter outside. Lavender had scowled at the sight of it and demanded yet again that Parvati leave her be. 

***

The screaming pierced Parvati’s heart. Every ripping sound tore ghostly holes in her own flesh. She crumpled on the floor, on the other side of the thick wooden door, with a small moan of anguish. 

“Parvati!” 

Someone was running over to her, but Parvati didn’t lift her head up to check who it was.

“This is the 4th transformation in a week. She is in so much pain. She-” Parvati’s voice broke a little. “She needs help and I can’t do anything. I don’t understand why this is happening. None of this makes any sense.” 

“We don’t know anything at this stage, it is all so new Parvati. All we can do is be strong for her while we figure out what is triggering the transformations, as it clearly isn’t the full moon.” 

“This wasn’t the plan. The war was won, yes, but at what costs? 

All I wanted was to be with her. 

I know I am being selfish, she has faced… I mean is facing something so cruel. I just wish I could see her, hold her in my arms while she cries out like that… But I am stuck behind this door while she is scared and alone.” 

***

Lavender hadn’t transformed since the night Parvati had shown up at her hut, but she could feel the wolf under her skin. It was asleep, for now, but occasionally growled, never letting her forget it’s presence. And still, of course, he ruled over her dreams. 

“What are you thinking about?” Parvati’s voice pulled her back to the present. 

“You should leave now. You’ve had your fun, feeding me up and decorating this shitty little hut. Go before it is too late.” 

“Remember when we were in school? We were inseparable. We were always together, in everything.” 

Lavender frowned slightly but could not dispute this statement. 

Parvati, emboldened, continued. “Except when you were infatuated with Ron Weasley.” She laughed dryly. “I never understood that, but there you were. He is married to Herminone now, you know. They are expecting a baby.” 

“Oh.” She blinked, not expecting this odd news. She had been out of touch with the world and it was jarring to think of that goofy boy and her old roommate as parents. 

“Is that strange to you? It was obvious even back then Lavender, they were always circling round each other.” 

Despite herself, Lavender laughed. It was as if a sudden, alien, lightness was distracting her from her present. She crossed the room, where Parvati was sitting at the table. 

“Tell me more, about the others. Those people I once knew.”

***

“Why would you say that? I need you… I need you Lavender. I don’t care. We will find a solution!” 

“Who will? You? Give me a break!” 

“Don’t. Don’t walk away. I need you to be patient. We will-” 

“You will what? Find an answer? This has never happened before! Bill was lucky, Bill can live in the world with all of you… but I… I am volatile.” Her voice broke, the wolf simmered under her skin. “I can’t control it.”

***

Later that night, Parvati found Lavender convulsing on the muddy forest floor, about a mile from their hut. 

Blood dribbled out of her mouth and her eyes rolled back into her head. It wasn’t a full moon, but it didn’t have to be for Lavender. Her nails were already sharpening into stiff claws and her spine popped alarmingly. She screamed and Parvati’s heart dropped into her stomach. 

Wordlessly, she cast cushioning spells around the thrashing woman, and retreated to the hut, hot tears sliding down her face. 

***

“I just… I don't understand what to do. There are no answers. It's so unfair. And now she wants to leave… leave me because we don’t know what is going on. How does that make any sense? How does leaving me make any of this better?” 

The tall blonde woman hugged her softly. “Parvati, she is confused and scared.” 

“I know! I am scared too. I just hate this talk of leaving. She wants to run away but when did that ever make anything better. I am frightened that one day I will wake up and she will be gone and she won’t come back.” 

Bill walked into the kitchen, tiny baby Victorie in his arms. He kissed his wife, placed the baby in her cot and began to cook. 

“Parvati, you have to understand how she feels. Yes, it was different for me, but there was a time when it was all unknown. Fleur and I were not sure if I would transform, or what that would mean. I was in a very bad place, but Remus helped, he talked to Fleur and he knew how I was feeling. I think she just needs time, you both do, to adjust to this new reality.” 

“Remus might be gone… but Parvati. Anything we can do to help.” Fleur grasped Parvati’s hand. “Lavender needs you, but she needs to get to a place where she is ready to accept help. Until then, all you can do is be there and be patient.” 

“Thank you both. Really. Your support means everything. I just… wish Lavender would be open to talking more, to me. Or to you.” Parvati rose from the table. “Bill, do you need any help with dinner?” 

***

“Lavender. We need to talk about your transformations.” 

“What is there to talk about? Sometimes I transform. I don’t know when or how long it will last and it is always bloody painful. I don’t have any choice or control, nor can I plan for it. There. That’s it. There is nothing else to be said about it.” Lavender’s voice was flat and hollow, there was a rehearsed quality to this little speech. 

“Do you remember Luna Lovegood? Eccentric Ravenclaw girl?” 

“What? Yes of course I remember Luna.” Lavender’s voice spiked with panic. “Don’t tell me she was bitten as well…”

“No, no. She is fine. She has been leading some extensive research into your condition, the mutation I mean, with a team of senior healers and a bright young magizoologist...” 

“Oh. I see.” 

“Don’t take that tone. They have some ideas, but they need you to come back and cooperate…”

“So that’s why you are here, is it? I will not be a fucking ginea pig.” 

Parvati grabbed Lavender’s face in her hands, forcing her to look up into her eyes. 

“Lavender.. Oh Lavender. They have been adapting the Wolfsbane. It didn’t work for you before but it might now, it would mean no more pain…” 

Lavender scoffed and stood up abruptly, her long braids whipping her own face. 

“No one can take my pain. I live with it every day.  
I am not interested in the future anymore, Parvati. I just don’t have the energy for it and I know that is not what you want to hear but I am not a fighter. If I had realised that sooner, I would never have been in this state.” 

“No. I just don’t accept that. This is a chance for me to help you, that is all I have been trying to do and you won’t even listen to me. No one can take your pain, that is true, but I can take some of the burden.” 

Parvati held each of Lavender’s hands in her own. 

“I love you. I have always loved you, Lavender, from that first night in Gryffindor tower to the years looking for you in desolate places. I can’t lose you again.” 

“I… I can’t come back with you. I can’t face them all.” 

“I will be with you every step of the way.”

Tears began to fall from Lavender’s face. “I am a broken person.” 

“Don’t say that. You don’t see the person I do. You. Lavender. You are the strongest person I have ever known.”

“I don’t feel strong. All I feel is him on me all the time. I smell him and then I feel the pain, an omnipresent ghost. He… he took my future from me.” 

Parvati sank to the floor with Lavender, holding her until long after the tears had run out. 

***

Parvati and Lavender packed up the little hut fairly quickly, after all, neither of them had many belongings. They worked in a steady, but comfortable and familiar rhythm, packing without magic because it felt right to take their time with it. 

A little while later, Lavender perched on the scrubbed table, surveying the empty space. Parvati watched her, leaning casually against the wall. When Lavender noticed this, she beckoned the woman closer with frantic arm movements. 

“ What is so important?” 

“This!” Lavender pulled Parvati’s face in to kiss her.

“You’re such an idiot.” Parvati chuckled softly. “You know, I will miss this place. It was cosy.” 

“That is because you were here, wherever you are feels like home to me.” 

“I think that is the soppiest thing you have ever said to me” Parvati laughed fully now and put her arms around the shorter women. Lavender leaned into the embrace and closed her eyes, choosing not to respond straight away. 

She still found the memories, the flashes, too heavy to bear. She still kicked and screamed in the night. She had always had trouble holding on to the present. When she was a girl, she was yearning for glimpses of the future and as a woman she was running from the past. 

“After the treatment or experiments or whatever, let’s come back here. The two of us. Let’s make our home here.” 

The air felt different these days. It was warmer. 

Something had shifted when Parvati reappeared in her life. Beautiful Parvati, who held her as she struggled, who made her feel strong and capable when she was curled on the floor in pain. Parvati, who loved her and had never given up on her. 

Lavender was ready to let her in.


End file.
